How to identify your core values and use them to make tough decisions
Tough decisions rarely arrive with a neat answer. A redundancy offer in Sydney, a relationship that no longer feels right, a quick yes-or-no opportunity in Melbourne — these moments demand more than a pros and cons list. When options feel evenly matched, what moves the needle is clarity about what you genuinely stand for.
Core values work like an internal compass. They are the handful of principles that, when honoured, make your life feel like yours. Naming them turns vague gut feelings into a tool you can lean on, especially when stress or other people's opinions crowd your thinking.
What core values actually are
Core values are the non-negotiable beliefs that shape how you live, work, and relate to others. They differ from goals (outcomes you want to reach) and from rules (often handed to you by family or workplace). A goal might be paying off your Brisbane apartment; a value might be freedom that lets you travel.
Many people confuse values with preferences. A preference is "I like flat whites" — pleasant, but not a decision-making driver. A value is "I choose experiences over possessions," which influences everything from weekends in Perth to whether you take a higher-paying job with longer hours.
| Values | Goals | Preferences |
|---|---|---|
| Guiding principles for how you live | Specific outcomes you want | Likes and dislikes that shift |
| Stay steady across a lifetime | Usually achieved, then replaced | Change with trends or seasons |
| Shape big and small decisions | Drive projects and plans | Influence minor daily choices |
| Feel charged when ignored | Feel satisfying when completed | Feel neutral if missed |
A choice that protects a value feels right in the body. A choice that betrays one often shows up as quiet dread, even when it looks sensible on paper.
How to start uncovering your values
A useful first step is to look back at moments when you felt most yourself. Think of a time at work, on a footy trip to Adelaide, or during a long walk along the Mornington Peninsula when everything clicked. What was happening? What need was being met? Those feelings point to values such as contribution, adventure, or connection.
The opposite prompt works too. Recall a decision that left you feeling flat or resentful, even if it worked out. A promotion taken for the money, a meeting agreed to out of politeness, a weekend at a crowded Fremantle market when you really wanted solitude. The disappointment is data. It signals a value that was overlooked, often autonomy, peace, or authenticity.
Write your emerging values down in plain language. Aim for three to seven that genuinely feel like yours, not borrowed from a boss, partner, or LinkedIn post.
Common values people land on
Some values come up again and again in coaching work, particularly for women navigating big choices across Australia's expensive urban centres. They tend to cluster around a few themes.
Values that show up most often
- Freedom and flexibility, the kind that lets you shape your own week
- Growth and learning, often choosing the harder path that stretches a skill
- Health and wellbeing, including rest, energy, and time with people who matter
- Impact and contribution, using your work for something beyond a pay packet
Some of these pull in opposite directions. Freedom and impact can clash, as can growth and wellbeing. That tension is normal. Values are not a ranked list with one winner. They are a constellation: some are non-negotiable, others you can flex when life demands it.
Testing values against real-life choices
Once you have a shortlist, stress-test it with a real decision. Ask: Does this option protect what I care about? Does it require me to betray anything important? What will I need to give up, and am I willing to pay that price?
A four-day work week in a Canberra government role might score high on wellbeing, lower on income, and neutral on impact. The right choice depends on which values sit highest for you. The list won't decide for you, but it will make the trade-off visible.
Try a gut-check. Imagine telling a trusted friend over coffee in a Carlton cafe why you made the call. If the story comes out easily, you are likely aligned. If you find yourself rehearsing excuses, something is off.
Quick checks before you commit
- Pause for 24 hours on any non-urgent big decision
- Write down what you would tell a younger version of you
- Notice which option brings relief rather than just excitement
The last point matters more than people think. Australians often pride themselves on the late-night hustle, but decision fatigue and poor sleep are enemies of values-based thinking. A clearer approach is in prioritise sleep over hustle, connecting energy and clarity to your choices.
Using values when the path isn't clear
Some decisions have no obvious answer. You can map the options, list the trade-offs, and feel stuck. Often the moment arrives to ask not "What should I do?" but "Who do I want to be?" The values question reframes a logic puzzle into a character question.
It helps to separate the decision from the outcome. A good decision in line with your values can still lead to a hard result, like a business that closes or a relationship that ends. Judge by alignment, not outcomes, and you build trust in yourself over time.
Keeping your values alive day to day
Values earn their keep when they show up in small moments, not just the big crossroads. That means checking in with them weekly, not yearly. A short Sunday review or a journal prompt keeps them front of mind instead of buried under a busy schedule.
When you're ready to put this into practice, Lynda Kenny offers certified high-performance coaching for women who want to lead with clarity, confidence, and energy. Your values also shape how you show up online, and a polished online presence makes it easier for the right clients to find you. Book a discovery call and start using your values as the steady guide they were always meant to be.
